yea yea mama

i know i gotta move my car i knowww but any
day i have to wake up and deal with my car i'd
rather roll over and go back to sleep till it's dark
outside and the mechanic has gone home for the
day so there's absolutely no way of fixing it which
is exactly why i lied to my mother when she called
me this morning wondering if i had woken up and
started my day yet maybe i don't ever want to
fix it and i'd rather sit and type run on sentences.

i miss when i could see my dad and i didn't have
to retrieve his information for my mother's forms
for social services. you'd think if social services
revoked your license for not paying child support
for 8 years it might be a wake up call to come out
from the rock you've been hiding under my entire
life. it's not about the money, the years of silence
or all the times he promised to see me and never
came. i don't even care what he's done i just wish
he was there when i needed him but i don't need
him anymore. i hope i never give up on anything
the way he gave up on me.

each time i tow my car i try to get to know the tow
truck driver as well as i can before i reach my
mechanic. today i had a normal driver who made
good conversation. he advised me on what to do
about my car and i inspired him to ride a bike.
the night ended with me biking home to costa
mesa angry. i'm tired of stupid comments and
inconsideration i just don't have the patience to
humor anyone anymore. i'm tired of opening my
two car garage and only seeing one car. i'm tired
of passing strange people at bus stops and having
cars slow or follow me up harbor blvd. i'm tired of
waiting for the left turn at fair drive to turn green.
i'm tired of the lonely ride home.




i miss alex.